Too Many Hats

Terry answering a client on his iphone

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Terry answering a client on his iphone
Terry answering a client on his iphone

What do you tell a man who has too many hats?

I don’t mean like in business where a person “wears” too many hats, meaning he or she does too many jobs.  I mean like the stereotype of a woman who owns “too many shoes.”  By the way, did you know the average woman owns 17 pairs of shoes?  That must be internet tomfoolery!  My wife has over sixty pairs of shoes – I counted — and she just cleared out lots of shoes.

As an aside, I  counted my shoes.  I have fifteen pairs of shoes.  To be fair, I don’t wear all of them (my wife gave them to me).

I have as many hats as my wife has pairs of shoes.

Before, I know what I would have said to a bald man with lots of hats.  “Of course you have lots of hats.  You’re bald!  You’re trying to cover up the fact that you’re bald!”

I deny that self-accusation.

Before I moved to Georgia, I rarely wore hats.    I didn’t mind if anyone knew I was bald.  I figured it only meant that I had too much testosterone. 

Well, I take that back. 

When I first worked in a hospital intensive care unit, they kept the thermostat turned so low that it got really cold.  I started wearing short knit haps to keep heat from leaking out of my body through my bare head.  I didn’t have hair to insulate myself from heat loss.

I quit wearing those hats when I moved to Georgia (but I didn’t throw them away).

In rural Georgia, where I live, practically every guy wears a ball cap out in public.  Mostly, they don’t say anything important – they just say stuff – your favorite college football team, your favorite NBA team, where you work, where you shop, where you hunt, if you were in the armed forces, what you hunt, whether you own guns, your taste in politics, your distaste of politics, and whatever…

In addition, I used to work at the local VA medical center.  A lot of the men wore caps to say what they did in the service, what war they fought in or what unit they were with.  I was in the Army, but there were no hats to identify my unit or what I did in the service, so I mostly wore VA hats or hats that said “Army” on them.

A couple months ago, I decided I would wear a hat every day – and the next day I would wear a hat I had not worn before.  I kept that up.

I have 63 hats.

Almost half are soft knit hats that I used to wear.  Almost half are ball caps.  Then there is the Indiana Jones hat, the Monty Don hat, the other gardening hat, the cowboy hat like country singers wear,  Crocodile Dundee hat, the hat that keeps the sun off my neck, and two Gilligan hats.

I tried to figure out which ones should go to the Salvation Army.

There were three hats in that stack.

I like hats. 

I just don’t wear them much.


© copyright 2021 by Terry Light